Calories (A Diana Andrews Mystery) by Albert Tucher

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ISBN: 9781611874440
Pages: 7

Can't a working girl make a few dollars on Thanksgiving without tripping over a murder victim and taking heat from the cops? Prostitute Diana Andrews should know by now--the answer is always no!

A holiday short story from the author of The Retro Look and Value for the Money.


“So what’s with the mashed potatoes?” said Breitwieser.

Diana didn’t reply right away. She stood against the wall and watched the two evidence technicians bustling around the motel room in their white Tyvek jumpsuits.

She stifled an urge to say, “Hey, guys, there’s a dead body on the floor.” Diana had watched enough true crime shows to know that the investigators should start at the periphery of the scene and work their way inward to the body, but the theory looked strange in practice.

Any dead man would have been bad enough, but this one lay prone beside the bed with his face planted in a large serving bowl full of something that looked pale, cold and nasty. If Breitwieser said it was mashed potatoes, she would take his word for it.

She scolded herself silently for being here at all, because by now she should have learned. Every time she came down to Morristown, something bad happened, and it always led to a reunion with Detective Breitwieser. He hadn’t grown any more charming or handsome, and his 46-regular polyester suits still needed a fashion intervention.

“Well?” he said.

He stood to her left and crowded her, as if he might have to stop her from bolting for the door. He knew her better than that, but he still felt the need to play hard-nosed cop with her.

“I assume he planned to spread that glop on me and eat it off,” she said.



“You make it sound like you’ve seen it before.”

“I’ve seen everything before.”

“Any other possibilities occur to you?”

“He might have wanted me to eat it off him, but in that case he’d have been out of luck.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Calories. I have to be careful this time of year.”

  • Published by: Untreed Reads

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